A blessed weekend :-)

May 13, 2013 at 10:46 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

Me, just now, to the Magician: “So, should I be worried that I’m pining a bit now for the Ranger? Does it mean that I’m not going to be able to make the long distance relationship work?”

The Magician, grinning: “No, not at *all*.”

Me, also grinning: “Are you pining a bit for [person] now?”

The Magician: “Maaaybe a little bit. 🙂 “

 

Hee. 🙂

It was a glorious weekend. It started rather stressfully – we learned only on Wednesday that we were having a flat inspection on the Friday, specifically during the first three hours of the Ranger’s visit, and well after the Magician would have left for *his* date weekend, with one of his other partners.

Cue frantic tidying and cleaning, all made more difficult by the fact that the Magician and I are both disabled! We had a lot of help from a couple of friends, and vast amount of moral support from several others. And by the time the Magician left, the flat looked really rather nice.

 

The Ranger was comfortably on time. And the flat inspector was right at the end of her window, which meant 2 1/2 – 3 hours of sitting on the sofa waiting for her to arrive, cuddling and chatting and in a state of some desperation because we had been waiting for so long to be alone together…

She arrived, it was pretty painless. And then she left.

And then the Ranger and I were, finally, alone together in an empty flat, with no one scheduled to arrive and disturb us… 🙂

 

I have so many glorious memories of the weekend, it’s hard to keep them in any sort of order, so I shan’t try.

I gave him his first spanking. And he gave me the first spanking he had given anyone. He is… a quick learner.

I left marks on his skin. He left them on mine. My nipples are still a little tender from his teeth. I suspect he still has that bite on his thigh.

We switched a great deal, sometimes with an almost dizzying speed. Sometimes with a few hours between, because there’s a limit to how fast either of us can switch when sunk quite that hard in subspace. 😉

I remember those beautiful eyes of his pinning me to the bed. The quiet, calm, hypnotic intensity of his dom-voice. His hand locking in my hair and pulling tight. The love, the care, the delicately raised eyebrow. He was merciless and sadistic and joyful, and he had me feeling utterly helpless and entirely safe and cherished.

I remember those same eyes, wide and overwhelmed. Gazing helplessly into mine. I remember him shaking. I remember the feel of his skin beneath my hand. His long, slender, glorious beauty. The way his bottom blushed *adorably* beneath my hairbrush. The way in which he drank up pleasure and pain. The sound of him gasping, and crying out.

The way in which he calls me, “sir”. He has a beautiful voice, with a slight west country accent, especially when his guard is down. Between how happy it makes my gender, and the slight, gorgeous burr he put on the word… *happy*.

 

It was like, and unlike, the fantasies we’ve been exchanging. Physical and mental health and other realities intervened. Twice, I had flashbacks – both times he was wonderful, giving me space or cherishing as I needed it. Once, I actually passed out (I was awfully dehydrated, looking back!). He looked after me wonderfully.

And of course, bondage tape wouldn’t tear properly, and things were dropped, and there were socks, all of the other down-to-earth things that involve real bodies and real time, especially with me being dyspraxic. 😉 And, it was all good! We were patient, and loving with each other, and laughed when things went amusingly wrong. I loved the IMs, but reality was just so much… *more*.

 

Plus of course we did various other wonderful things that had nothing to do with sex or kink. 😉 We read Shakespeare in bed together! We went to the theatre! We made each other lovely food! And we talked and talked and talked. We took awfully good care of each other. And a few times I got to lie on my back and hold him curled up against me with his head on my chest, which was more precious than I can easily describe.

I am even more deeply in love with him than I was before the weekend, and I am beyond delighted that I get to see him again in just over 10 days. 🙂

 

I miss him, inevitably. Really rather a lot. I am pining a bit. But mostly, I just feel incredibly blessed. In the Magician and the Ranger, I really do have two quite ridiculously wonderful, brilliant, kind, delightful, beautiful and generally amazing, partners.

I am very, very lucky. 🙂

 

And… and, yeah. I had a sexually/kinkily active weekend. My sexual/kink power is a real thing now, and I get to use it. And to not be totally thrown when my PTSD flares up. This is kind of amazing and wonderful, and *yay*. 🙂

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In which I name New Person, and squee rather a lot ;-)

April 14, 2013 at 9:41 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I’ve spent a while over the past few days, contemplating a good fantasy archetype to use as a pseudonym on here for New Person.

I wondered about the Herald – with his wonderful projecting acting voice, and his bringing light and change into my life.

I wondered about the Shape-Shifter – acknowledging his switchiness, and his skill as an actor.

But neither of those felt quite rightly about him.

And finally, “the Ranger” slipped into my brain. And, of course he’s the Ranger. He loves walking in the countryside. He is built like the ranger archetype – tall and thin and ruggedly beautiful. He loves to explore, and is passionately curious about so much of life despite his depression.

Part of that exploration involves things he and I would like to do with and to each other, and the thought of that is… intoxicating.

We saw each other yesterday for the first time since our little mini-date in a cafe, the day after I asked him out. So, for the first time in nearly four weeks.

Our first actual date is still another four weeks away! But we had a small house party and play-reading yesterday, to celebrate the Magician’s birthday, and obviously the Ranger was one of the guests.

We were reading through “Julius Caesar”. I was playing Brutus, the Ranger was playing Cassius, the Magician was playing Antony. All The Feels. 🙂

The Ranger and I were fairly coupled-up at various points. Everyone, very definitely including the Magician, regarded this as both entertaining and exceedingly endearing. 😉 And the Ranger now has firm approval from one of the Magician’s other partners, who was there – and they are someone who is not easy to please, and is very protective of me. They are a good judge of character, and, while they never said so to me, were always a bit dubious about the Warrior. Their obvious liking for the Ranger is unsurprising, but deeply pleasing and reassuring.

When around others, the Ranger and I were fairly chaste in our snuggling. We sat close to each other, sometimes in each other’s arms. And as time went on, found it more and more impossible to not touch each other. I remember him chatting to various people while stroking my back, and drifting off into a reverie.

And every so often we would sneak into the kitchen, and kiss, and hold each other, and caress each other fiercely through our clothes, and gaze into each other’s eyes (and generally be utterly unspeakable 😉 ), and the sheer overwhelming mutual want was both glorious and agonising. I’ve gone in the space of a few weeks from wondering if I would ever get my libido back, to, well, this. Absolutely burning for each other. It is wonderful. 🙂

We’re seeing each other again today. Again, mostly in company, but I suspect we will still find another couple of quiet moments to torture each other and ourselves so delightfully.

And then, we won’t see each other for nearly four weeks. Which will be another form of delightful torture – with the anticipation, the lovely chatting. The waiting, but also the enjoying being together apart. The celebrating each other’s lives in different cities.

And I should also note here, one of the things that makes me happiest. Chatting in the kitchen with the Magician, the Ranger and the Magician’s aforementioned other partner. Far, far more relaxed and mutually friendly and respectful than any group containing the Magician and the Warrior ever was.

I amused quite a few people yesterday by pointing out that I had upgraded my polycule. It was silly, and funny, but also quite true. The chosen extended family aspect of polyamoury is part of what I love about it. And I’m now in a position where my loves get on really well with each other, and where all three of my metamours are truly excellent people whom I adore, and who are friends of mine in their own right.

As I’ve said a few times on this blog, my life at the moment has a vast amount of stress attached, along with grief, anger, and all the rest.

The Magician’s deep, wondrous love and care for me, and the fierce joy of falling in love with the Ranger – and the happy satisfaction of knowing that they truly like and respect each other – are like these shining lights in the midst of it all. I have really rather a lot of genuine happiness to go with the sorrow and pain and anxiety. And eventually, hopefully in the next six months, the dust from the ending of my marriage will clear. We’ll have sorted out the money, the divorce will be through. I’ll be able to start getting on with the rest of my life. And I’ll still have the Magician and the Ranger, and many, many wonderful friends, to walk at least some of that path with me.

Yay. 🙂

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