In which I am really rather happy, in a wistful sort of way :-)

March 29, 2013 at 1:53 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

Looks like I may well need a pseudonym for New Person on here before too long. 😉 We’re still weeks away from our first date, and won’t see each other at all for over a fortnight but, hey. Long distance relationship between busy people.

It’s wonderful, the way in which longing for someone can itself be a sort of happiness. And while I’m a lot less over-excited than I was (fortunately, because honestly my adrenal system wasn’t coping that well!), it’s calming down to a deep level of joy.  I’m still all in a flutter every time I hear from him, and relishing the intoxication of shared fantasies – and fondness. We’ve been friends for so many years, and the care for each other makes everything far sexier, as well as feeling blessedly safe.

It’s all so, so wonderful in itself, and an absolute affirmation that there is Life After The Warrior. 😉

 

And meanwhile, the Magician continues marvellous. And while his kink energies are still very low, there have been a few delicious moments, where he’s just taken a few seconds to bite my neck and run a nail slow and hard across my lower back, giving me an endorphin rush and a wicked smile. 🙂

 

At some point I may need to make a post about some of the darker stuff I’ve been processing. But just now, all about the joy. I feel very, very lucky and blessed. 🙂

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A new beginning

March 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm (Uncategorized)

The past year has been one of the most distressing, weird, stressful and yet, bizarrely, hopeful of my life.

My beloved cat died. I became very ill. And my marriage to the Warrior has broken down entirely – we are getting divorced, no longer in a relationship. And while we are still amicable, I am left feeling deeply hurt and rather angry by many aspects both of our lives together, and of what has happened since.

I am living temporarily with the Magician, who has been a glorious, wonderful tower of strength throughout all of this.

Since ceasing to live with the Warrior, I was amazed by how much better I started to feel, even through all the stress and confusion and grief. And I began to feel some stirrings of my kink and sexual energy finally coming to life again.

And now, there seems to be a long-distance thing starting with someone new, and beautiful, and lovely. Not sure where things may end up leading, and it’ll be a while before our first date even. But I’m excited and intrigued and fizzy and happy. 🙂 And my kink and sexual energies are suddenly higher than I can ever remember them.

(I may need to give him a pseudonym on here after a while, with his permission, but we shall see…)

I’m still in shock from the end of my marriage, still reeling, raw, grieving, ill. But also, relishing a new sense of freedom, and a growing feeling of… integrity. Rightness. Of realising all the ways in which being with the Warrior restricted me, and prevented me from being myself. Some of which was his fault, some of which was mine, some of which was just a simple lack of compatibility that was the fault of neither of us.

In the end, I think it’s all going to be very much for the best.

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